BitterSweet

It’s the last day of 2007 and it’s supposed to be a joyous time. No doubt time does pass really fast but I guess it’s always good to look forward to a new year in anticipation for better things to happen. Right…

Of all days, something bad has to happen; just when you thought you could end the year on a sweet note. Why are people so unappreciative? The nicer you treat them, the more of your head they’ll step on. And of all times to create trouble, they do it on New Year’s Eve; upsetting everyone’s mood causing so much hurt and disappointment.

I’m just praying now that everything would turn out fine and that the New Year would bring nothing but everything good.

Moving on, ‘end of years’ always call for personal reflections. Have you guys done yours yet? It’s funny how every time I reflect, I just get so filled up with melancholy emotions. Even if I think back on the silly or good things, there’s just this tinge of sadness. Reflections also allow me to think back on what kind of a person I have been throughout the year that has passed. And I realized I learnt a lot more about myself.

To those who always ask me why I write. I think I’ve found the answer. I realized that it’s very hard for me to open my mouth and spill my heart out. I find it hard to express verbally and I’m afraid to “talk it out”. I don’t know why but writing is the only way I can express myself. Though at times it may not be that literal and ‘to the point’, I still somehow manage to get my point across. And it’s funny how every time I finish expressing myself through words, I get this sense of relief.

Okay, I know its New Year’s Eve and I shall not dampen the happy spirits flying around.
To Everyone Out There,

Wishing everyone only the best in the year 2008! ,
TGND

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Tis' the season to be jolly

I have to admit, Christmas is the season i adore the most. It's just so filled with love, happiness and everything jolly. One of the best christmas I ever had was spent the states. It was definitely a white christmas. Nothing beats having snow on christmas.

But one thing I hate about it, the food. Piling up on the weight is not something most people would like. But then again, we give ourselves reasons...it's christmas..the world is putting on the weight with you so whatever. Wait till it's new year and we'll start the pill popping, water detoxing, ghandi starving diets. For now, let's be merry.

When I think of Christmas, I think of

- Candy Canes

- Presents

- Snow

- Love

- Mistletoe
- Family

- Friends

- Cookies and Milk

- Turkey

- Log Cakes

but never have I thought of Santa...Sorry to be so anti-climax but Santa is not true. Who needs a Santa when we have Daddies? HAHAHA

Heres the girl next door wishing all readers

A VERY BLESSED CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Waiting under the mistletoe,

TGND

Maybe it's you

photo credits to deviantart.

Lavish me with your love
Show me you’re good enough
Because I’m so fragile
I’m afraid you’ll hurt this child

Like a princess some may seem
Not very far has this princess been
She’s not picky, not that hard
Just afraid that one day your love will part

Can you shun her insecurities?
Can you make her feel that she’s just right?
Let her know that she is loved
Now matter how the world may view her

So are you up to it?
Amongst the many choices she may heed
To show her that you’re what she needs
To love her

Is it you?

TGND

And then...

Eyes like the crescent moon, thin and sleek
It’s going to close yet slumber seems so far
Fatigue hits the mind and the body slowly deteriorates
But it won’t be too soon before hitting the sack

On bended knees she kneels towards sleep
Begging for more; just a little more

Then the bags grow bigger, under those jewel sparkled eyes
Panic arises in her; she didn’t want them to appear

Just a little longer; a little while more
She’ll hang on before her eyes feel sore
Times up; her mood just fades away
And now she’s just like a zombie in the day

She starts to dream and drifts away
Only to realise fatigue is here to stay

ZZZzzZzzzz,

TGND

gone, but not for long...

Certain points in life, all of us may lose a loved one or someone dear to us. It’s sad but some things in life are inevitable. No matter what, we have to be strong. It may sound so cliché but the as the saying goes, time really does heal all wounds. I figure the only relief we have is the fact that they have left us for a place that is much better; a place where they would not have to suffer anymore…

Some things we can’t change, we can’t ignore
Even though it makes us feel so sore

It’s hard to be strong and even harder to move on
Wishing for their presence; feeling forlorn

Only time will help, time would heal
Only time would have this sadness sealed

Though they’re gone, quite far away
Just keep in mind that we’ll eventually meet one day

Be happy to know they’re in a better place
Somehow someday we’ll too go through this phase

For now I guess we have to wait
Slowly accept this torturous fate

here for you,

TGND

Fool

I dislike looking at your face
Those eyes looking at me
I know I’ll never be the one
The one to feel the warmth of your arms

I wish you wouldn’t talk to me
Every word I know I would remember
I want to turn on deaf ears
But what if it was the last time I was to hear you speak?

Why don’t you scold me?
Say you find me irritating or childish or stupid
Just want you to stay away from me
Do something to make me turn my back on you

Be everything that I never want
Because I know it’s you I can never have

Foolish,

TGND

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....

This world would be a better place if every single person takes the initiative and try to be nicer in anyway. There are some things in life which I am still trying to comprehend and learn. And which I hope would make me a nicer person. After all, no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and it’s a fact that we all have to face. It’s either we accept each others flaws or… wait maybe we have no choice but to accept.

1) Have you ever judge a person based on appearance before? It’s hard not to but it’s not something very nice either. Yes, I know that human nature gets the better of us at times and judging people is something we cannot eliminate. But I believe if we try, we can reduce the amount of judgements we throw onto people. Empathise with the other party and feel how’s it like being judge before giving comments. I do not like to be judge, therefore I try my very best not to judge others.

2) Making decisions. When making decisions, always think of the consequences before saying YES. I have gone through it and I think the feeling sucks. I’ve made decisions which I regret. After making the rash decision, I realised that I can’t be committed or the decision made wasn’t really what I want after all. And in the end, I disappoint the people around me. Now, thinking twice before making decisions is a must.

3) Why do people have to be hypocritical? Unless it involves office politics or something more serious, I don’t see why people have to talk behind others’ backs. I’m not trying to argue or make a stand here. I’m just questioning because I really don’t get it.

There are so many questions I have yet to ask. But I figure, not many can answer. Guess I have to keep searching.

TGND

Who Are They?

-photo from deviantart.com-

People judge and critique;
The curse at the tip of their tongues

Their words cut, it just hurts.
Their thoughts taunt; it haunts.

How to move on and how to live;
in this superficial disbelief.

Too scared to face the world,
What would they think?

The painful stares and cynical laughs
Enough to kill

Empathize they never will

Fear and rejection settles in
I’m just too afraid

Too afraid to go out
Too afraid to be myself
Too afraid to speak up
Too afraid to be confident
Too afraid to let loose
Too afraid to face the people

They’ll never understand
Nothing mattered more in this plastic world

No one can tell the difference between the real and the fake
The masks they donned upon their scarred faces

Who are they to judge or comment?
Who are they to hurt us?
Who are they to interfere?
Who are they to create this curse?

Who are they?

too afraid,

TGND

poem no. 9485 .....not

The clicking of the mouse and typing sounds
The sound falls to the ground as silence fills the room

The monotonous deadpan looks on everyone’s face
The dreadfulness of this mundane life

Like robots and clones and anything mechanic
We do things in life like it has all been pre-set in us

If our lives were recorded in a video
What would our movie be like?

Something drops and everyone slowly looks up
Then back down again back to their routine

The invasion
It slowly creeps into us

Everyday’s a cycle; a circle
We go round and round and round

Do we have a clue where our destination is?
Do we know where we’re heading to?

Like chameleons we change according to the environment
Losing our identity bit by bit as we go

How to awake from the deep deluded slumber?
Where are we even?

Then along the mundane routine that we follow each day
We may pause and ask “who am I really?”

Cast a spell,

TGND

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All I needed to see was that smile
I know I don’t really know you that well
But that fuzzy feeling I get looking at you
Doesn’t matter if my days were blue

That sweet saccharine smile I hold so close
My current muse for poems and prose
As you can see this one’s about you
Precious like those droplets on the leaves; dews

Fantasy intrudes and dreams elude
Whisk away to an island where it’s just me and you
The sun shining upon your face and you smile
Making every minute of this dream worth the while

You’re my Prozac, my antidote.


TGND

Sitting, waiting, hoping, wishing…

Have you ever wished, hoped or yearned for something but know that you can hardly ever get it? Worst thing is, whatever you want is so near yet so far…

There’s a guy. Okay, let’s call him X.
And there’s a girl . Let’s call her H.

H and I have known each other for about 12 years. And somewhere in our 12 years of friendship, we got to know X. Till now, we have known X for about… hmmm… 8-9 years perhaps. We used to play at the playground together almost every other day.

For as long as I can remember, X has always liked H. However, H has never ever showed any feelings for X before. As years passed, X and H still remained as close friends but never once did X force himself towards H or even reveal his feelings for her. Even when H had a boyfriend, he would still hung out with them and be friends with H’s boyfriend. X would always watch from afar and it seems like that was enough for him; H’s happiness. Everyone knew that X had feelings for H but no one said anything.

And on H’s birthday, he would shower her with lavish gifts; always willing to spend on her without any qualms or complains. Is he being foolish or is this well… love? Wait, love is a wrong word. What is love even? He hasn’t even explored other options, hasn’t received any reactions from H; it’s all one-sided. How can that be love? But to call him foolish would also be rather mean. I guess he is sincere but why can’t he just move on?

Me, as a third party watching this whole situation would really wish a nice girl would come along for X and reciprocate his feelings. Maybe then, he would know the meaning of love or being loved; rather than spending all his time and effort on a girl whom he knows has a low chance of having.

What you guys think?

Watching you, hoping hard;
Wishing for a place in your heart
Crossing my fingers, closing my eyes
When I look at you, I’m hypnotized.

The clock is ticking, hours pass
Protecting you secretly behind this mask
You don’t have to know, you don’t have to see
Just have to ensure that you’re happy

Maybe in the future I’ll be gone
But for now your presence I long
Maybe tonight I’ll write you a song
Because to me, you’ll never belong

Sitting waiting hoping wishing,

TGND

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Hey guys, just thought I share a piece of good news with you all! Looks like TGND's hard work have not gone to waste! I recently took part in a writing competition and I just found out that I won third prize. Though it's nothing big, it's more of the satisfaction that's keeping me thrilled. Well, the theme of the competition was love and I guess no matter how generic I tried to make my writing sound, somehow, personal experience always play a major part. I thought it to be rather private but then I guess, since it is something good, I should just share it with you all. (:

You may be able to relate or maybe you won't. Well, just read it and enjoy I guess. That's my job here! Have fun guys!

Love to a 19 year old

What is love? I’ve yet to unfold.
So to speak, I’m only 19 years old.
Puppy love, mostly what I’ve seen;
that’s as far as I have been.

True love to me, I’ve got a long way to find.
If love is true, how can it make one blind?
Chocolates and roses are the epitome of romance;
yet it can’t sweeten loves’ intense.

I must admit, there is a guy.
Every time I’m near him, my heart’s so shy.
I’m attracted to him, not his looks.
What I learn from him, I can’t get from books.

He’s so different from the guys I know.
More experienced, so mature; slightly old.
Seeing him happy, seeing him smile;
if only he knew how I’ve been feeling all these while.

I’m only 19, a child to him.
But deep inside, I’m far from a teen.
What is love? He definitely knows.
After all, he’s rather old.

I don’t expect him to read my heart;
I dread the day we have to part.
Time spent together- so little.
I try to make my romantic gestures subtle.

Though it’s a torture keeping the truth inside,
It’s better than to let our friendship subside.
Though at times we may flirt,
He doesn’t know I meant every word.

I know one day he has to settle down,
and definitely not to me, this clown.
I will not sob, I will not cry;
his happiness I’ll always keep in mind.


Is this love? I do not know.
Maybe one day the truth will show.
For now, I’ll put up this façade;
not wanting to jeopardize two hearts.

For when he smiles, I’m re-assured.
My efforts, my feelings, my time, my space;
is worth the happy look in his face-
the look that makes my young heart race.

What is love? I’ve yet to unfold.
This innocent, naïve 19 year old.

Love you, Love me;

TGND

Maybe it left you stronger...

Have you ever had a time when you met someone from your past? Someone whom you always wished you would see but hardly did and when you least expect it, they re-appear again in your life? At that moment, you just freeze not knowing what to do. You feel lost, just losing it all. And that person is looking all normal, like nothing has ever happened. You feel so weak but you know deep in your heart, never will you let yourself go back to the past; the past which you have always wanted to erase.

You thought they left, that they were gone;
And then they suddenly appear after so long.
You feel paralysed; don’t know what to do,
Standing there speechless worse than a fool.

Weakness gets to you but you stand strong,
History is where they should belong.
You start to ponder and wonder why;
Why they still come back when they meant goodbye.

Their presence so obvious, you just can’t avoid;
This person who once had your heart spoilt.
You appear normal, cheerful as ever,
But in your heart, never so miserable.

You want to scream, you want to shout
This person’s feelings you no longer doubt.
It’s all over and you’ve had enough,
You just got to show them that you’re tough.

They act so normal like nothing is wrong,
Leaving you and coming back after so long.
Why can’t they see, why can’t they tell;
It was because of them, our world once fell.

No more chances they will get,
All the memories you wish to forget.
So what if again you’ll meet,
Now you know your heart’s strong enough to defeat.

Walking forward, Turning back,

TGND

Smile..............

People usually smile to express pleasure, happiness or amusement. Not so often, it can also be an involuntary expression when one is nervous or anxious.

Never would one think that such a small action can make a big difference. For example, imagine you were having a real bad day and just wished you could end it all. And when you reach home, you see your loved ones smiling at you or even your pet and at that moment, it feels as though whatever you were troubled with just melts away. Have you ever had that feeling?

At times we may also smile at strangers. And boy we do get mixed reactions from that! Some people may think that we’re strange and some may just smile back. To me, if people were to think I’m some weirdo, I wouldn’t mind. At least I smiled to them; that made me happy. I can leave them to think whatever they want to.

Start smiling… what could be so depressing to prevent one from smiling. I think to smile is one of the most beautiful expression one can have. Probably that’s why every time people take photographs, they’re smiling!

I came across this story from an email which was rather touching therefore I decided to share it with you guys! (: and it’s not made up, apparently. Even if it was, good story!

Title: Breakfast At McDonalds

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.


Smiling,

TGND

Mistakes

Ever made a mistake and feel like shit? I believe everyone has. Well, mistakes are unintentional errors that we should learn from. I don’t see a point in dwelling on a past mistake. It has already past so one should just move on. Learn a lesson and don’t ever repeat it. Period.

But some things I just don’t understand. How can people repeat mistakes? Since they already know its wrong, why do they do it again? Why can’t one learn from their mistakes?

When one party tells the other “it was such a big mistake marrying you”, is the word “mistake” even valid in that sentence? Since mistakes are unintentional, does it mean that the marriage too was unintentional? Hmmm…

Mistakes occur in so many aspects of our life from our work to our relationships and so many other things. One can never avoid making mistakes- there’s no one so perfect. Let’s start being conscious of our mistakes and learn from them… shall we?

Mistakes; you and I have made a few
Besides learning from them, what can we do?

Is there a need to dwell on something that can’t be changed?
Sometimes our thoughts and actions, we need to arrange.

Sorry once, sorry twice;
How many more times? Need a dice?

Why can’t one learn? Why can’t they see?
Do they enjoy repeating history?

Learn from your mistakes then toss it away;
Let’s learn to be mindful, starting today.

Making mistakes,
TGND

Nostalgia

Nostalgia: a longing for the past;

Is there such a thing as nostalgic pangs? Well, similar to hunger pangs that is. Hah! Maybe someone, something, somewhere we experience some point in life would give us the feeling of nostalgia. A reminder of a memory either of a person/or people, an event, a feeling yada yada…

This term was actually used by soldiers who were suffering from combat fatigue which led to the obsessions of returning home. But after all these years, people have somehow changed the meaning. And now it usually means dwelling on the past.

I feel that the feeling of nostalgia cannot be ignored when it’s evoked. And this feeling is usually associated with emotions that are more to the sad side. Probably because certain things in the past we yearn for. Or we wish could happen again.

To me, nostalgia is quite a beautiful feeling… what say you?


The nostalgic feelings I try to understand
Something, some place, someone, some where in time.

Whisked back into the past
Where memory is all that lasts

Wishing you were there once again
Hoping things were still the same

Tears of sadness, maybe of joy
Certain feelings you just can’t toy

A moment in time you wish to freeze
Wishing this moment would never cease

There’s nothing we can do to stop the time
looking back at memories at its prime

Nostalgic feelings you can’t ignore
Nostalgic feelings might make you sore

Nostalgic feelings you sometimes have
Nostalgic feelings and its aftermath…

Living in the past,

TGND

Insecurity

Lacking self-confidence or assurance;

I think many people out there suffer from this; the tendency to feel insecure about themselves. Can someone be taught to feel comfortable in their own skin? Probably attend like a confidence boost course or something. HAH

Maybe people’s not looking but you feel that stares. You look at yourself a million times in the mirror before you eventually walk out of the house. And I figure one root of this problem is due to the fact that people love to judge. Ah wells, not like we can stop them!

I guess this is an issue that would not go away. I have to admit, programs like Ugly Betty do help people feel a teeny weenie bit better. But it’s not the perfect solution. Yet again, it has to all come from within.


You wear clothes that cover your flaws
Eyes are staring, whispers down the hall

Is it you; their target?
Someone they want to humiliate

You won’t leave the house till you look fine
How is fine even defined?

You wish you could shut them up
Why do they even say so much?

Was it all in your head?
Their words and stares and emotional blades;

searching for security,

TGND

Dreams

I’m not talking about aspirations or hopes here. It’s more about those vivid images you get when you’re sleeping or when you’re in a daze.

How dreams and our brains work is a whole new issue so let’s not get into it. Most of the time, we can’t control our dreams. There are other times when we can and that’s called lucid dreams- whereby dreamers know that they are dreaming and are capable of changing their dream environment and controlling certain aspects of the dream. How’s that possible, don’t ask me! Well, maybe when we day-dream, the situations we can control? Hmmm…

Have you ever had times when you felt as though your dream was so real only to wake up getting disappointed? I certainly dislike that feeling. But I guess there are also times when you wake up and felt so relieved that whatever that happened was only a dream. Like I ever said, everything has two sides to it. Dreams included.

Dreams are said to be signs and can be interpreted but I don’t really believe in that. Dreams are just dreams and most of the time, they never occur in reality. I guess the reason why people like to sleep and dream is because only fairytales happen there. Once you wake up, sorry honey, its back to reality!

Dreams, some good and some bad
Millions of it we’ve definitely had

Floating on clouds, so surreal
Wake up; it’s everything but a fairytale

Sometimes we wished it last forever
Sometimes to happen, we wished it never

When we sleep, our minds supposed to be at rest
But instead it’s forever put to the test

I rather have a dream-less sleep
Then to awake, seeing myself weep

In the comfort of our feathered pillows
We drift to a place where the sun’s not yellow

Cos anything can happen in dreams
Unbelievable as it seems

Taunted by the non-existent ghost
Jerking you awake at most

with sweat trickling down our face
The fast breathing we have to pace

Suddenly we’re watching the sunset
With that someone we wished we had
Dark clouds start to hijack the ambience
Then you’re suddenly all alone

For a moment you thought you had it all
But just a second and you start to fall
Handicapped with fear, you start to tear
And all the visions a blur

When you awake you start to think
Happiness gone in a blink

Then you realized it’s just a dream
Something that was always better then it seemed


building castles in the sky,

TGND

who am i ?

Have you ever doubted the person you think you are? Or maybe sometimes in life, you just suddenly stop, and think of the person people see you as. Is it really you?

Soul-searching- does it really work? Discovering your true self and knowing your personality traits… how do you know if you really found your true self?

You would know exactly:
- what you want for yourself &
- what you need in life

So I guess, we’ll just know it. The answer lies within us. One thing for sure, I know I haven’t found my true self yet. Maybe some might feel the same. The person people see us as is probably just ½ or 2/3 of ourselves. There’s just the other side that people won’t know. A side we don’t want others to see.

Then we start to ponder about what we really want in life… we can say that we are just doing what the norm in our society does. We follow orders every other day of our lives and hardly do we get a chance to do what we really want to do. Sometimes we don’t even have a choice as to what we want in life. We do things to suit others. Or rather we do things so that we can lead a comfortable life. With a roof over our head and food on the table, is that all that really matters?

If only we could just leave everything behind and go live for a few months in some island or resort like place and just live life as it’s supposed to be. Doing odd-jobs like waiter-ing in some street café and just being carefree and happy… then maybe we would know what life is really about. And we probably could find the real us.

But that’s highly impossible because so many things in our lives are beyond our control. So for now, we just have to make do with what we have and with that, find the real us.

Search deep. Think hard. Be surprised.

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
If only you could make me tall.

Mirror Mirror if you could speak,
Which part of me would you fix?

Mirror Mirror, show me the truth;
The person I see, is it really me?

Mirror Mirror, break this curse
Perfection is what everyone thirst

Mirror Mirror, be my friend
When I’m hurt by the cruel world, who would hold my hand?

Mirror Mirror, you are all I have
Ever since my confidence left

Mirror Mirror, now you see;
The truth that lingers inside of me.

Mirror Mirror, this girl I see,
Is she the best that I can be?

Mirror Mirror, show me how
To love myself starting from now.

still searching,

TGND

On a sombre note.

Reflecting on my previous entry, I realised something about myself; something which I have not realised or notice.

I think it is amazing to be able to learn something new about yourself every other day. Something you could do but never knew. Something you thought you were unable to do but actually can do. Something you never knew you were feeling all along.

Back to the previous entry, I was talking about letting go. Personally, after that entry, I let go. I let go of something that has been hovering over my mind and heart for almost a year. As I wrote the poem, so many million thoughts went through my mind; maybe it was the same for you too- you who read the poem, whoever it may be. Hmmm…

Letting go allowed me to realise that…

All these while I never knew
In my heart it was only you

I never knew why I never really looked at other guys
That it was only you in my eyes
It was natural for me to fear
Any other guy who came near

I’ve always found it weird why I could never liked anyone else
But that question didn’t stay long as soon as I saw you
But as each day passed, my love you didn’t reciprocate
Yet my days on you I waste

Then I thought it through
Enough was where my heart and mind reached
I had to let go if not I would have gone crazy waiting
Wishing, hoping, trying, wanting
When the result would be nothing

So one night, I let go
I was sad, tears did flow
But I knew somehow I had to let go
No matter how hard, no matter how sad
Letting go of wanting you I had

Then it hit me, something I never knew
All along, the boys I blew
It was all because of you.

P/s- sorry for the rather personal entry. But I believe there are people out there who might be able to relate. Hee

gone,
TGND

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letting go

This post is for all those out there who find it so hard to let go of things that have already been gone for so long. Learn to move on. Because the only thing that's holding you back in life is yourself.

Maybe you're feeling frustrated, worried, troubled -so many things. All because of one person or something that have happened. If it's all in the past, why still harbour all these negative feelings in you? Are you happy feeling sad?

Then you question, how to let go? I tried but it's so hard. Well, it's really all up to you. No one can help you because it's all within. Why exhaust yourself over thoughts which are no longer valid? Why worry for someone when that person doesn't even cares about your existence?

Find all means to let go. If it's a person that has been lingering in your mind, someone you're trying hard to forget- delete all means of contact with that person. Forget him/her. Do whatever you can to erase those un-happy thoughts.

And when you've finally learnt to let go, you'll feel lighter- spiritually that is. And you'll feel so much happier. So many things we encounter are all part and parcels of life, growing up and maturing. These things are inevitable and it's only up to us to handle them.

Enjoy life and stay happy.

Another poem; enjoy!

you seem to be everything I wanted in a man.

being with you give me butterflies;

a feeling I can't seem to comprehend.

your charisma, your charm;

never knew it'd bring me harm.

I took time and effort to care for you,

springing surprises- though a few.

I knew these gestures would make you smile;

but to love me you took a while.

I know you're busy, you don't have time.

and so I waited, never did I whine.

but it has reached a point, I can't control.

my feelings and emotions I have to let go.

invisible chances I always gave,

in you I had so much faith.

but this time i'll leave, i'll be gone;

when you turn back and look for me,

no longer will you still see,

that girl who waited patiently.

letting go,

TGND

Magic Mushrooms

Magic mushrooms sounded yummy. Not until I realised what they really were. Interesting… they are illegal and have said to be deadly drugs.

If one were to consume magic mushrooms, they would experience many different kinds of emotions such as hallucinations, anxiety, panic and even schizophrenia. The cringe! It also gives the consumer feelings of euphoria; which is probably the main reason why people consume it. And I figure these people are usually those emo emo ones; feeling oh-so-depressed that magic mushrooms can make them feel happier even if it was only for 4 hours. Geez…

However, there are people who claim that the consumption of magic mushrooms are spiritually significant. Wow…

I must admit that this entry is rather redundant but I guess a little side information wouldn’t hurt. Fine, let me entertain you readers (whoever you may be) with a magic mushroom poem… (:

Magic mushrooms take me high
Eating them allows me to fly
The emotions they give I can’t deny
Magic mushrooms you’d love to try
Here, take a little, take some of mine
Enter a world where everything’s a lie
Enter a place where no one is shy
Enter a place where no one asks why
Magic mushrooms in a pie
Something so special, so hard to buy
Excessive consumption- and you would die
But who cares? Who gives a damn?
Magic mushrooms you can’t deny

funny video

I've got to post this video up. It's hilarious. Try watching it with a straight face and see if you can contain your laughter. Japanese people comes up with the weirdest pranks man.





laughing my ass off,
TGND

the title of this entry is untitled.

Just a poem for you guys. Not arrowed at anyone in particular. Hopefully people out there who are feeling the same can relate to it. (:

Don’t speak the words I long to hear,
For the words you speak I hold so dear.
Every minute spent together, wishing it would last forever.
Stay away from my fragile heart;
It won’t hurt for you if we were to part.
End it now before I fall too deep
Make this a dream from one of my sleeps;
For when that day comes I will not weep
But the memory of this dream I’ll forever keep.

forever yours to keep,
TGND

Loneliness

the cold and stormy rain outside
you stay under the covers, you wanna hide
with a hot chocolate in one hand, you feel dreamy
the wind blows on your face and you start to tear
if only there’s someone who can take away your fear
maybe its just days like that, you wish someone to cuddle you had
just like the flowers trampled by the rain, loneliness makes you weak
you wished there was someone to warm your heart
but all you have is that hot hot chocolate
the rain gets heavier and you feel worse
whatever that feeling is, feels like a curse
the raindrops hitting hard towards the ground
the lonely days you start to count
you lay in bed, immobilized
taking time to realize
maybe its days like that you wish you had a better companion than just a pet
loneliness start to settle down in your heart
and you start to wonder when you and loneliness start to part
but for now you’ll just lay in bed
with that burning hot cup of chocolate

blame it on the weatherman,

TGND

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Forbidden love: a short story

This story is fully fictionalized. Any character with resemblance to any living persons is coincidental and unintentional.

It’s been 6 months and 10 days. It sounded silly but Alice actually counted. She counted how long she has been missing him; how long he’s been crawling in and out of her heart.
She knew the both of them had a low chance of being together yet it was so difficult to let go.

He was Mark. He was 30 years old. And he was 12 years older then Alice. You know they say when it comes to love, age doesn’t matter. But that wasn’t it. Mark was Alice’s teacher. They have known each other for more than a year. But it was only until recently that Alice realized that she has grown to like Mark. 6 months and 10 days to be exact.

You can’t call it lust. Alice wasn’t really into Mark’s looks. It was only after she got to know him better and as they grew closer then did she find him to be attractive. In fact, each time she sees him, he seemed to be more and more attractive than before.

It began with something so simple- a bus ride. Then it turned out to be something Alice never expected. Mark knew so much. He told her so many stories, taught her many things. He was experienced. Alice knew she always had something for older man but this seemed to take a toll on her.

You see, Mark was a sweet talker. His words were like sugar in tea. But then, Alice always doubted them. She never knew if there were any traces of truth in Mark’s sweet-nothings. Before you ask, no, there was nothing serious going on between the both of them. Maybe that’s one thing that was bothering Alice.

Was Mark leading her on? Alice’s mind was never at rest. She was always thinking of the thousand and one “what-ifs”.

6 months and 11 days. Alice boarded the bus. There he was. Nothing could describe the feelings inside of Alice. Her heart was doing somersaults. You might think it sounds stupid but maybe you’ve never had that feeling. The feeling of liking someone and then being able to see and spend time alone with that person; jittery feelings all sprout out.

Alice walked towards him and sat down on the seat next to Mark. He smiled at her. The smile that was always flashing in her mind; the smile she knew she would never forget. They talked like always. They talked about everything under the sun. The chemistry they had was amazing and each time they met, Alice felt that she liked Mark more and more. The words he spoke pulled her closer to him each and every time. Alice couldn’t help but succumb to Mark’s flattery and charm.

One day, two days far too many; it’s been a week since Alice rode the bus with Mark. Emotions were intense. Finally, for so long now, Mark asked Alice out. Alice kept quiet. She wanted to say yes. But what would they say? What was the outcome? Two minutes and Alice relented.

Almost a year they’ve known each other; Alice thought she knew Mark well. But at times she couldn’t help but doubt. Mark’s always exclaiming how special Alice was to him and Alice would always wonder if he was the same to all other female students. Was she really that special?

First date; it seemed normal. Movie, dinner and a romantic stroll down the beach. At that moment, everything seemed so perfect, so sweet. Alice wished the time would never end. She wished it would stay like that forever. They stood facing towards the open sea hand-in-hand. What was their future together? Was there even a future to begin with?

Suddenly, Mark held Alice by the shoulders and made her turn to face him. His eyes spoke every word. Alice’s mind was a blur. She was supposed to be happy but somehow something inside of her didn’t feel too good. Mark leaned forward and pressed his lips against that of Alice. She remained stiff. She wanted to push him away but it seemed like all her strength had left her body. She was weak; every part of her. Alice felt possessed. Her first kiss given away to someone she was deeply in like with; someone who was 12 years her senior; someone who was…her teacher.

The kiss seemed to take forever. One word- passionate. Lifting his lips away from hers, Mark smiled sweetly at Alice, he then hugged her tight. Alice searched her conscious but failed to find any. She hugged him back. Something deep inside of her knew this was not the beginning of something. It was probably the end.

Two weeks; a month; no sign of Mark. That night was the last time Alice say Mark. It seemed like he had also resigned from his position as a teacher. Alice felt numb. No one knew of the “special” relationship they had besides Alice’s best friend, Lynn.

“See, I told you already! Why do you even believe the things he says? He made use of you!” exclaimed Lynn as Alice dazed dreamily into the sky. Alice was in no mood to hear the nagging of Lynn. Alice evident feel cheated at all, surprisingly. Somewhere in her heart knew all along that the whole scandalous “affair” was heading no where. She laughed at herself.

4 months down the road, Alice was on the road of recovery. Recovery of that broken heart she hardly even had. As she was walking down the streets near her home one day, Alice thought she saw Mark. But then again, she thought it was her eyes playing tricks on her. Its not surprising since ¼ of Mark was left in her head waiting to be erased.

As she walked nearer, her uncertainty became certain. It was Mark. And in his arm was another lady’s arm; a pregnant lady to be exact. Mark eyes met that of Alice. He forced a smile on his face. Alice smiled back, turned around and continued on her journey.
Alice never felt happier. Well, at least she was loved by Mark even if it was for that 7 hours they were together.


- The End-

If you have the time please watch this video. It might help you get a clearer picture of my story. (: and it was pure coincidence this video existed. Even better, its by my favourite singer, David Tao. (:

Maids

A luxury or burden?

Both.

Many of you might think that I should not be complaining since I get the luxury of having a maid while others have to wash their own clothes, scrub the floors yada-yada-yada. But let me tell you the truth, if I had a choice, I would like to wash my own clothes and clean my own floors. Having a maid currently does not really solve most problems

Okay, yes she does help look after the little one in my family. But I just don’t get it. We always try to treat them nice and like a part of the family but never ever once did any of them show an appreciation at all. In the news, there are always articles on how employers abuse their maids and so on so forth. Why hasn’t there been any article featuring maids that takes advantage of their employers.

Maybe because there’s a little one in their hands therefore my mom doesn’t dare to tell them off or whatsoever. But sadly, most of the maids that have worked for me think that they’re here on a holiday. I agree that they’re still human and etc. who said we even treated them inhumanely?

Let’s see the history of my maids and the great things they have done…

- bring boyfriend home while family’s on holiday (checked)
- mom goes to jail to bail MAID’S BF out (checked)
- maid runs out in the middle of the night w/o our acknowledgement (checked)
- maids talking on the phone for hours (checked)
- maid going out even on week-nights for parties (checked)
- maid locks dog in store room and goes partying while family overseas (checked)
- maid uses employer’s items w/o permission (checked)
- maid destroying employer’s clothes (checked)
- maid leaving laundry in basket for months (checked)
- maid sleeping before everyone else in the family (checked)
- maid’s cooking even dog don’t want to eat (checked)
- using the computer to upload and print their pictures w/o permission (checked)

and the list can go on and on and on…

Amazing how we still managed to survive with such “domestic helpers”. You may think that I am just being bossy or fussy or what not. But no one understands our condition. How ironic how maids are supposed to lighten our burdens but in return they add on to our worries and problems.

One advice for all people out there who have maids: never ever get emotionally attached to them. You never know the turmoil they bring you through. I’ve been through it and I learnt the hard way. DAMN HARD I tell you. So, don’t get too close…
Sometimes I wonder if they ever forget their priorities in coming here. It is not easy being a maid I must admit. But if you’re going to let your personal problems affect your job then you better wake up.

Who has ever had a maid sit in a corner and cry the whole damn day because she quarreled with her boyfriend? Gosh, is that even a valid excuse for not doing any housework at all. It infuriates me that even the employers don’t act that way.

Some even think that coming here to work is a vacation. Sigh, it angers me to even talk about it; the numeral amount of clothes that have been destroyed in their hands. The amount of saliva they have put in our food (I’m not too sure about this but that’s what they do in dramas right?), stealing people’s husbands etc. Gosh, how humane of them.

I once read a story in a magazine and thinking about it tickles me. There was this one guy who was a property agent. He slept with almost every maid in his block without his wife’s knowledge at all! I must say his wife is stupid or this guy is just TOO GOOD! The agony his wife has to go through if she were to ever find out. Well, what’s funny about the story was the illustration given by the writer. It showed the guy coming out of his car in the parking lot, and when he looks up to the block before him, every maid sticks their head out and waves at him totally ignorant of anything else. Funny as funny can get!

Maids like everything else in the world have two sides to them. Good and bad. Or rather, maids: like everyone else in the world, they’re either good or bad! Hah! No wonder the saying goes “to get a good maid is your luck, and to get a good employer is their fortune”. They both somehow run along the same lines though.

Makes me wonder… what’s the root of all maid abuse stories? Or cases where maids murder their employers… hmmmm…

Serving you faithfully,
The Girl Next Door.

Can you keep a secret?

Have you ever told someone your secrets? Or maybe have someone tell theirs to you? Or maybe even had your secret leaked out? Whatever it may be, what are secrets…really?

Before you assume or whatsoever, no I’m not inspired to write this entry because of the new Jay Chou movie “secret” which everyone have been raving about. I’ve yet to watch it.

A secret; something kept private or not revealed.

A friend once told me “Secrets brings friends together yet pulls them apart” and it really got me thinking. However oxymoronic it may sound, if you take time to think about it, it’s actually rather true. A secret shared between you and someone else may strengthen the bond because both of you know something about the other which no one else have any clue of. However, if your “secret holder aka as friend or whoever” turn their backs against you one day, are your secrets then risked being exposed?

I think the best person to tell a secret is you. Sounds damn dumb but I believe if it remains within you, you’re only left with yourself to betray. Tell only the ones you trust. But how do you even know if you trust a person? It’s so difficult to tell. Knowing a person for a super long period of time will not judge whether you can trust the person or not. People change and it’s a superficial world, anything is possible.

Well, I know some people out there can’t keep secrets because they would feel so bottled up, or they need others’ views or yada-yada. Excuses 101! But hey, look what I found!
“A new study finds that keeping some things to yourself could be better for your health than confessing them”

How interesting what people can discover! Personally, I do not like secrets. People’s secrets that is; I mean I do have my own secrets but I prefer to keep it to myself. Why risk the chance of having my secrets getting exposed? Also, I don’t like other people’s secrets; maybe because I feel like I’m somehow indebted to them. I feel like I have a responsibility to keep their secrets safe. But if it’s told to me and I’m not supposed to tell then I guess I wouldn’t.

But what for others who don’t trust their own mouths? Be it for their own secrets or for others. “If you are not committed to keeping your secrets then save yourself the trouble and embarrassment of having it found out and don't try to keep it secret in the first place.”

Keeping a secret or respecting others’ secrets is a virtue relating to that of sensitivity and self-discipline. And if someone were to tell you another person’s secret, what does that tell you of that person? He/she can’t be trusted and if you were to burden this person with your secrets as well, good luck and just hope that this person doesn’t go round telling your secrets to others.

Secrets: to tell or not to tell. You decide.

“Hearts are created as safes for keeping secrets. Intelligence is their lock; will-power is their key. No one can break into the safe and steal its valuables if the lock or key are not faulty.”

pink cupcakes and butterflies,

The Girl Next Door.

Relax

In this fast-paced, competitive cosmopolitan world, people are just too focused on their careers and the need to earn more money. Even students can’t help but feel the pressure on the need to study hard, in order to “have a better future”.

I think that at times, people just need to stop whatever they are doing and take a break. I find it so hard for people to relax nowadays. Their minds are so crammed up thus preventing them the ability to think clearly. Their tensed mood would not only affect their work but also their relationship with people. It is also difficult for them to take things lightly and every “molehill becomes a mountain”.

If I could, I would pause the time. And in this “freeze frame”, people’s minds are cleared; cleared of worries. And only when the body and mind has enough rest, the body would function normally again. Sounds stupid right?

Nobody sees the importance of relaxation. The mindset is that, only when one has achieved enough and earned enough then will one rest; permanently.

Scenario 1: A man works 25 hours a day and hardly relaxes. He neglects his social life and bonding with his family as he is always working. He then earns his first million at the age of 30 and decides that he can finally rest and pay back lost time. When he finally got his money, he meets with an accident and passes away. How is he then going to enjoy his millions? His loved ones got rich overnight with what he left them but never will they get over the regrets of not having spent enough time with him.

The truth is, we are never contented. When we attain something, we keep wanting more and more. And at times, this greed becomes the better of a person which is of course, very bad. People start to do immoral (however one may define immoral) things in order to obtain what they yearn for.

But I wonder if these people have ever stopped for a second to ask themselves if they are happy. Whether getting what they yearn for would keep them contented or even, happy.
Happiness is something we can’t purchase at the mall. Well, unless you are Donald Trump that is; there was a quote from him previously which goes somewhere in the lines of “who say money can’t but happiness? You just need to know where to shop”.

Can you imagine? Try picturing yourself walking into a mall and every shop is selling “happiness”. How does happiness look like anyway? I think it would look like drugs- maybe something like marijuana/weed. Won’t it be so cool? Then the world would not have anymore sad people. I must say that Donald Trump sure knows how to shop.

It’s so ironic how “money can buy happiness” yet it is the rich people out there who are mostly suffering. I’ve had heard so many stories about them before. A Tai Tai can have all the luxury items she could ever ask for but most of the time, most of them are not very happy with their lives. And I don’t think they quite like the fact that they have to share their husbands with other women. I’m not saying in most cases. These are just SOME stories I’ve heard, which happens to always run along the same line making it so stereotypical.

I’ve digressed so much only to realize that my objective of this entry is about relaxing. Okay…drawing back, over-working and lack of rest can lead to emotional torment too. I once knew of this lady who worked so much like 7 days a week from 9am- 2am. Worst thing is, she’s a mother of two. The result of her over-working is that her family left her. I think it is so devastating and it got so bad to the fact that even if she tried to make up for “loss time”, nothing could bring back the past and the way it used to be for the family. Everytime she talks to me about it, she can’t help but get so emotional. I try to help but in all honesty, there is only so much I can do.

The cause and effects of not relaxing can get rather sad huh. I guess that’s life. We can hardly ever enjoy the luxuries of both worlds; and if you do, good for you. So, the next time you feel like you’ve been so caught up with work or whatever and you feel really exhausted, stop whatever you’re doing(even if it was for a few minutes) and go do something which would help you relax whatever it may be. Maybe it’ll do you some good.


That sound of crashing waves and the sandy beach;
The place I want to be when life’s a bitch.
Shutting myself from this crazy world
The only solution when work’s a killer.

If only I could stop the time
If only at times life’s a pantomime
Maybe then life would be better
Maybe then I would feel happier

When living becomes tiring
And surviving becomes a chore
Maybe that’s a calling
For us to forget it all

Drop everything we’re doing
End all the stress we face
Take a break and do something,
That’s relaxing in our case

peaches & cream ,
The girl next door

Laughter

Laughter is an expression or appearance of merriment or amusement. Ever heard of the saying “laughter is the best medicine”? Well, to a very large extent it’s true.

Just a little bit more on laughter, it is a part of human behavior regulated by the brain. It helps us clarify our intentions in a social interaction and provides and emotional context in conversations. Laughter can also signify acceptance of one in a group and represent positive interactions. Laughter at times can be contagious and the laughter from one person itself can provoke laughter from another person. (Extremely true in my case!)

While surfing the net, I found out that laughter can trigger asthma attacks. Which reminded me of one time in school; I had a friend who was having an asthma attack. The teacher then instructed me and another student to help her to the sick bay. Even though the sick bay was like only 2-3 storey’s below our class, I think to my “helpless asthmatic” friend, it seemed like forever. Why? It was due to my presence. Whilst helping her down to the sick bay, I couldn’t help but get tickled by the sight of her gasping for air. Some might say that I’m evil but I couldn’t help it (explains why my mother thins I should go for laughter management courses). Already having not enough air, my helpless friend looked almost like she was having spasms as she tried to gasp for air and laugh at the same time. I was then told to shut it by the other classmate and that if I were to continue, my friend would die.

In the end, we made it to the sickbay. – for those for were curious as to whether my friend is still alive.

Laughter is beneficial in so many ways. So much so there are laughter therapeutic course out there for people who are feeling stressed or who have trouble laughing (which is quite sad). I remembered I made a friend laugh so much before that he made this comment “For as long as I’ve known you (which was about 6 months), I’ve laughed more than my entire secondary school life”, I didn’t know whether to feel complimented or to feel sad for him. People who don’t laugh are deprived. And you may give excuses like “what’s so funny?” or “life sucks” or whatever negativity you can get out so as to prevent you from releasing the laughter in you. But deep deep down inside the corner of your fist-sized heart, there’s some laughter that wants to come out. So, let it free!

Laughter can help us in so many ways. And the best time to use laughter is in times of tension. Let’s say someone is making fun of you and inside you feel so demoralized. The best thing is to laugh it off and agree with the person! You will so much better after that and you automatically disempower your “enemy”.

Having a sense of humor can help us accept the inevitable (things we can’t change), rise to any challenge, handle the unexpected with ease and come out of any difficulty smiling. If you haven’t before, are you already beginning to see why laughter is so essential?

Came across this saying which was rather interesting, “The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed”; which got me thinking and made me come to a realization that there is almost not one day which I have not laughed at all.

However, too much laughter may lead to people thinking that one is not a serious person at all. I’m not asking you to indulge in excessive laughter. Everything in life needs balance.

I’ll end of with a video probably one which most of you have seen. But I’ll still put it up anyhow. It never fails to make me laugh. Peace and blue cheese people!

P/S forget to add, sometims when one is laughing, they will fart. Recently, a friend told me that a friend of hers was watching The Simpsons in the cinema. Then there was this guy who was laughing so hard, he suddenly let out a loud fart. Can you imagine? HAHAHAHA *prroooooooot*

Bus Rides & Hygiene

Its ironic how I used to think blogging was a waste of time; now I feel like I’m a slave to it. All I can say is, people change, perceptions change, everything changes. Right…

So back to today’s topic, bus rides… something that most people can’t avoid and that includes me. Well, I’m not complaining but I think that when it comes to buses, I have 0% luck at all. Having to travel almost an hour plus on the public bus everyday is really an eye-opener. There are so many different kinds of people/characters that you can meet. And sadly, it’s never nice. All I ask for is a peaceful ride with no disturbance in terms of sound, movement and smell.

Let’s talk about sound. Most of the time, the ambience in the bus in the early morning is rather quiet. That’s because most people are either asleep or stoning. Then out of nowhere some joker’s phone rings. Okay, still acceptable. Following that, you hear someone talking at the top of his/her voice without a care in this world. How inconsiderate can people get? Wait, I haven’t got to the worst part yet. My usual routine is to stick my earphones into my ears the whole journey hoping music would be my source of relaxation. So, you know how between the transition of one song to the other, there would be at least a second of silence? In that one second of silence, I heard someone swearing in hokkien expletives. A series of images than flashed through my mind…

1) I walk towards the person who is speaking loudly
2) Snatches away his phone
3) Throws it out of the window
4) Give him my two cents worth
5) Inconsiderate commuter opens mouth but no sound comes out
6) I then flash him the most innocent and “considerate” smile ever
7) Every single commuter on the bus claps and cheers
8) I bow towards them and head back to my seat with a victorious beam across my face

Then I snapped back to reality. Right, if only I could. But I figured if he was a man of such words, I would probably get a black eye or some sort if I were to rebut his actions. And not forgetting him. Maybe Singapore should start some consideration campaign and give out awards to considerate people.

Now let’s talk about smell. Everytime I board the bus; I’m greeted with a smell I can hardly describe. And it is definitely not pleasant, but it’s still manageable for the nose. Then the people start coming up and the air in the bus gets more and more polluted. I realized one thing… people dislike taking showers in the morning. Well, I have nothing against that but at least have the initiative to change out of your foul-smelling clothes and have the decency to comb your hair. I can’t help but feel itchy all over my body as though the germs are flying everywhere all crawling up my body. Then comes a group of people whom Singaporeans hardly likes but can not live without. Without them, we wouldn’t have houses to live in. Yes, I think you get the idea already. As we all know, they have a natural “scent” and it can cause one to feel rather nauseous. To add on to their scent is their breakfast “aroma”. I seriously wonder what they have for breakfast because the smell gets really pungent at times. And there were many instances whereby I had to hold my puke in. Yes, it gets that bad- especially if they were seated next to you for an hour. Trying all ways to cover my nose, the smell somehow seems to find its way up my nostrils and down my lungs. I’m defeated.

As for movement, there are two sources. One is from human and the other is from creepy crawlers. Yes, let me ask you… have you ever sat on a bus and have 4 cockroaches greet you at the same time? Well, I did; must have been my lucky day. It really frustrates me when bus drivers do not take the initiative to ensure that their passengers are comfortable. Why can’t they take a little effort to check the cleanliness of the buses? As I slowly inched away from the cockroaches, I watched as they made their way to the passenger seated in front of me. She was in a deep sleep with her face pressed against the “clean” windows. The cockroaches crawled past her face and she didn’t move an inch at all. At that point in time, I was in a dilemma. Should I wake her up or should I just let her be? Everyone else in the bus seemed so peaceful like as though it was a normal thing. I felt foolish for a few seconds thinking I was the only one being such a wuss. Hesitating no more, I stood up and made my way to an empty seat at the front of the bus.

I thought I was safe. I thought wrong. Seated beside me was middle-aged man who seemed perfectly fine. Then he started biting his nails –okay, still normal-. Following that, he began to pick his nose- o..Kay, normal but damn unhygienic-. He then continued to bite his nails again. This time I was sure he was just sick sick and nothing else. He then started rubbing his face, scratching his head, picking his nose and doing every action in a cycle. I have never felt dirtier. I wished the bus driver would pick up his speed and send me to my destination as soon as possible. The guy then looked at me in the corner of his eyes as I started turning my back towards him. He then lifted his shirt and started scratching his body. Gosh! What’s wrong with these people? Don’t they ever shower? I don’t understand… I seriously don’t.

Everyday before I board the bus, I have a minute of prayer. I don’t ask for too much, maybe just having someone normal (and in my terms normal means someone with basic hygiene) sit beside me.

Okay think I’ll end of here. Another poem for you guys. Hope you’re not getting sick of it already.

An hour’s bus ride, way too long.
Playing on my iPod, about 20 songs.
What I thought would be a peaceful ride,
soon turned into an ugly sight.

Seated myself on the window seat,
4 cockroaches greeted me; to my defeat.
Plopped myself next to a guy who appeared fine,
only to realize he’s like a swine.
Picking his nose then biting his nails,
maybe he forgot to take his meals.

Scratching his head, scratching his face,
scratching his body as though it was a maze.
Frequent spasms, body jolts;
my worst bus ride for the record.

Then tomorrow comes; and as I enter the same bus, I tremble
how was I to survive till holidays in December?
I prayed silently that I’ll be safe
hoping the person next to me had bathe

seated on the outside, I felt so brave
all these random strangers, I was to face.
It was a school holiday, except for me
So the bus- neutral smelling and so empty!

What I hate most I’ve yet to say
Always wishing there wasn’t this day
These groups of workers scrambling for seats
Always in a hurry
Smelling like pots of c_rry.

If seated beside you were one of those
The best is to have a bad blocked nose
For an hour’s too long for c_rry smell
Wishing you could lock them in a cell

Bus rides have become such a pain
A car and license I wish to obtain
Gone will be the days- filth and germs
Buses no more, I’ll come to terms.