Maybe it left you stronger...

Have you ever had a time when you met someone from your past? Someone whom you always wished you would see but hardly did and when you least expect it, they re-appear again in your life? At that moment, you just freeze not knowing what to do. You feel lost, just losing it all. And that person is looking all normal, like nothing has ever happened. You feel so weak but you know deep in your heart, never will you let yourself go back to the past; the past which you have always wanted to erase.

You thought they left, that they were gone;
And then they suddenly appear after so long.
You feel paralysed; don’t know what to do,
Standing there speechless worse than a fool.

Weakness gets to you but you stand strong,
History is where they should belong.
You start to ponder and wonder why;
Why they still come back when they meant goodbye.

Their presence so obvious, you just can’t avoid;
This person who once had your heart spoilt.
You appear normal, cheerful as ever,
But in your heart, never so miserable.

You want to scream, you want to shout
This person’s feelings you no longer doubt.
It’s all over and you’ve had enough,
You just got to show them that you’re tough.

They act so normal like nothing is wrong,
Leaving you and coming back after so long.
Why can’t they see, why can’t they tell;
It was because of them, our world once fell.

No more chances they will get,
All the memories you wish to forget.
So what if again you’ll meet,
Now you know your heart’s strong enough to defeat.

Walking forward, Turning back,

TGND

Smile..............

People usually smile to express pleasure, happiness or amusement. Not so often, it can also be an involuntary expression when one is nervous or anxious.

Never would one think that such a small action can make a big difference. For example, imagine you were having a real bad day and just wished you could end it all. And when you reach home, you see your loved ones smiling at you or even your pet and at that moment, it feels as though whatever you were troubled with just melts away. Have you ever had that feeling?

At times we may also smile at strangers. And boy we do get mixed reactions from that! Some people may think that we’re strange and some may just smile back. To me, if people were to think I’m some weirdo, I wouldn’t mind. At least I smiled to them; that made me happy. I can leave them to think whatever they want to.

Start smiling… what could be so depressing to prevent one from smiling. I think to smile is one of the most beautiful expression one can have. Probably that’s why every time people take photographs, they’re smiling!

I came across this story from an email which was rather touching therefore I decided to share it with you guys! (: and it’s not made up, apparently. Even if it was, good story!

Title: Breakfast At McDonalds

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.


Smiling,

TGND

Mistakes

Ever made a mistake and feel like shit? I believe everyone has. Well, mistakes are unintentional errors that we should learn from. I don’t see a point in dwelling on a past mistake. It has already past so one should just move on. Learn a lesson and don’t ever repeat it. Period.

But some things I just don’t understand. How can people repeat mistakes? Since they already know its wrong, why do they do it again? Why can’t one learn from their mistakes?

When one party tells the other “it was such a big mistake marrying you”, is the word “mistake” even valid in that sentence? Since mistakes are unintentional, does it mean that the marriage too was unintentional? Hmmm…

Mistakes occur in so many aspects of our life from our work to our relationships and so many other things. One can never avoid making mistakes- there’s no one so perfect. Let’s start being conscious of our mistakes and learn from them… shall we?

Mistakes; you and I have made a few
Besides learning from them, what can we do?

Is there a need to dwell on something that can’t be changed?
Sometimes our thoughts and actions, we need to arrange.

Sorry once, sorry twice;
How many more times? Need a dice?

Why can’t one learn? Why can’t they see?
Do they enjoy repeating history?

Learn from your mistakes then toss it away;
Let’s learn to be mindful, starting today.

Making mistakes,
TGND

Nostalgia

Nostalgia: a longing for the past;

Is there such a thing as nostalgic pangs? Well, similar to hunger pangs that is. Hah! Maybe someone, something, somewhere we experience some point in life would give us the feeling of nostalgia. A reminder of a memory either of a person/or people, an event, a feeling yada yada…

This term was actually used by soldiers who were suffering from combat fatigue which led to the obsessions of returning home. But after all these years, people have somehow changed the meaning. And now it usually means dwelling on the past.

I feel that the feeling of nostalgia cannot be ignored when it’s evoked. And this feeling is usually associated with emotions that are more to the sad side. Probably because certain things in the past we yearn for. Or we wish could happen again.

To me, nostalgia is quite a beautiful feeling… what say you?


The nostalgic feelings I try to understand
Something, some place, someone, some where in time.

Whisked back into the past
Where memory is all that lasts

Wishing you were there once again
Hoping things were still the same

Tears of sadness, maybe of joy
Certain feelings you just can’t toy

A moment in time you wish to freeze
Wishing this moment would never cease

There’s nothing we can do to stop the time
looking back at memories at its prime

Nostalgic feelings you can’t ignore
Nostalgic feelings might make you sore

Nostalgic feelings you sometimes have
Nostalgic feelings and its aftermath…

Living in the past,

TGND

Insecurity

Lacking self-confidence or assurance;

I think many people out there suffer from this; the tendency to feel insecure about themselves. Can someone be taught to feel comfortable in their own skin? Probably attend like a confidence boost course or something. HAH

Maybe people’s not looking but you feel that stares. You look at yourself a million times in the mirror before you eventually walk out of the house. And I figure one root of this problem is due to the fact that people love to judge. Ah wells, not like we can stop them!

I guess this is an issue that would not go away. I have to admit, programs like Ugly Betty do help people feel a teeny weenie bit better. But it’s not the perfect solution. Yet again, it has to all come from within.


You wear clothes that cover your flaws
Eyes are staring, whispers down the hall

Is it you; their target?
Someone they want to humiliate

You won’t leave the house till you look fine
How is fine even defined?

You wish you could shut them up
Why do they even say so much?

Was it all in your head?
Their words and stares and emotional blades;

searching for security,

TGND

Dreams

I’m not talking about aspirations or hopes here. It’s more about those vivid images you get when you’re sleeping or when you’re in a daze.

How dreams and our brains work is a whole new issue so let’s not get into it. Most of the time, we can’t control our dreams. There are other times when we can and that’s called lucid dreams- whereby dreamers know that they are dreaming and are capable of changing their dream environment and controlling certain aspects of the dream. How’s that possible, don’t ask me! Well, maybe when we day-dream, the situations we can control? Hmmm…

Have you ever had times when you felt as though your dream was so real only to wake up getting disappointed? I certainly dislike that feeling. But I guess there are also times when you wake up and felt so relieved that whatever that happened was only a dream. Like I ever said, everything has two sides to it. Dreams included.

Dreams are said to be signs and can be interpreted but I don’t really believe in that. Dreams are just dreams and most of the time, they never occur in reality. I guess the reason why people like to sleep and dream is because only fairytales happen there. Once you wake up, sorry honey, its back to reality!

Dreams, some good and some bad
Millions of it we’ve definitely had

Floating on clouds, so surreal
Wake up; it’s everything but a fairytale

Sometimes we wished it last forever
Sometimes to happen, we wished it never

When we sleep, our minds supposed to be at rest
But instead it’s forever put to the test

I rather have a dream-less sleep
Then to awake, seeing myself weep

In the comfort of our feathered pillows
We drift to a place where the sun’s not yellow

Cos anything can happen in dreams
Unbelievable as it seems

Taunted by the non-existent ghost
Jerking you awake at most

with sweat trickling down our face
The fast breathing we have to pace

Suddenly we’re watching the sunset
With that someone we wished we had
Dark clouds start to hijack the ambience
Then you’re suddenly all alone

For a moment you thought you had it all
But just a second and you start to fall
Handicapped with fear, you start to tear
And all the visions a blur

When you awake you start to think
Happiness gone in a blink

Then you realized it’s just a dream
Something that was always better then it seemed


building castles in the sky,

TGND

who am i ?

Have you ever doubted the person you think you are? Or maybe sometimes in life, you just suddenly stop, and think of the person people see you as. Is it really you?

Soul-searching- does it really work? Discovering your true self and knowing your personality traits… how do you know if you really found your true self?

You would know exactly:
- what you want for yourself &
- what you need in life

So I guess, we’ll just know it. The answer lies within us. One thing for sure, I know I haven’t found my true self yet. Maybe some might feel the same. The person people see us as is probably just ½ or 2/3 of ourselves. There’s just the other side that people won’t know. A side we don’t want others to see.

Then we start to ponder about what we really want in life… we can say that we are just doing what the norm in our society does. We follow orders every other day of our lives and hardly do we get a chance to do what we really want to do. Sometimes we don’t even have a choice as to what we want in life. We do things to suit others. Or rather we do things so that we can lead a comfortable life. With a roof over our head and food on the table, is that all that really matters?

If only we could just leave everything behind and go live for a few months in some island or resort like place and just live life as it’s supposed to be. Doing odd-jobs like waiter-ing in some street café and just being carefree and happy… then maybe we would know what life is really about. And we probably could find the real us.

But that’s highly impossible because so many things in our lives are beyond our control. So for now, we just have to make do with what we have and with that, find the real us.

Search deep. Think hard. Be surprised.

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
If only you could make me tall.

Mirror Mirror if you could speak,
Which part of me would you fix?

Mirror Mirror, show me the truth;
The person I see, is it really me?

Mirror Mirror, break this curse
Perfection is what everyone thirst

Mirror Mirror, be my friend
When I’m hurt by the cruel world, who would hold my hand?

Mirror Mirror, you are all I have
Ever since my confidence left

Mirror Mirror, now you see;
The truth that lingers inside of me.

Mirror Mirror, this girl I see,
Is she the best that I can be?

Mirror Mirror, show me how
To love myself starting from now.

still searching,

TGND

On a sombre note.

Reflecting on my previous entry, I realised something about myself; something which I have not realised or notice.

I think it is amazing to be able to learn something new about yourself every other day. Something you could do but never knew. Something you thought you were unable to do but actually can do. Something you never knew you were feeling all along.

Back to the previous entry, I was talking about letting go. Personally, after that entry, I let go. I let go of something that has been hovering over my mind and heart for almost a year. As I wrote the poem, so many million thoughts went through my mind; maybe it was the same for you too- you who read the poem, whoever it may be. Hmmm…

Letting go allowed me to realise that…

All these while I never knew
In my heart it was only you

I never knew why I never really looked at other guys
That it was only you in my eyes
It was natural for me to fear
Any other guy who came near

I’ve always found it weird why I could never liked anyone else
But that question didn’t stay long as soon as I saw you
But as each day passed, my love you didn’t reciprocate
Yet my days on you I waste

Then I thought it through
Enough was where my heart and mind reached
I had to let go if not I would have gone crazy waiting
Wishing, hoping, trying, wanting
When the result would be nothing

So one night, I let go
I was sad, tears did flow
But I knew somehow I had to let go
No matter how hard, no matter how sad
Letting go of wanting you I had

Then it hit me, something I never knew
All along, the boys I blew
It was all because of you.

P/s- sorry for the rather personal entry. But I believe there are people out there who might be able to relate. Hee

gone,
TGND

Get this widget Share Track details

letting go

This post is for all those out there who find it so hard to let go of things that have already been gone for so long. Learn to move on. Because the only thing that's holding you back in life is yourself.

Maybe you're feeling frustrated, worried, troubled -so many things. All because of one person or something that have happened. If it's all in the past, why still harbour all these negative feelings in you? Are you happy feeling sad?

Then you question, how to let go? I tried but it's so hard. Well, it's really all up to you. No one can help you because it's all within. Why exhaust yourself over thoughts which are no longer valid? Why worry for someone when that person doesn't even cares about your existence?

Find all means to let go. If it's a person that has been lingering in your mind, someone you're trying hard to forget- delete all means of contact with that person. Forget him/her. Do whatever you can to erase those un-happy thoughts.

And when you've finally learnt to let go, you'll feel lighter- spiritually that is. And you'll feel so much happier. So many things we encounter are all part and parcels of life, growing up and maturing. These things are inevitable and it's only up to us to handle them.

Enjoy life and stay happy.

Another poem; enjoy!

you seem to be everything I wanted in a man.

being with you give me butterflies;

a feeling I can't seem to comprehend.

your charisma, your charm;

never knew it'd bring me harm.

I took time and effort to care for you,

springing surprises- though a few.

I knew these gestures would make you smile;

but to love me you took a while.

I know you're busy, you don't have time.

and so I waited, never did I whine.

but it has reached a point, I can't control.

my feelings and emotions I have to let go.

invisible chances I always gave,

in you I had so much faith.

but this time i'll leave, i'll be gone;

when you turn back and look for me,

no longer will you still see,

that girl who waited patiently.

letting go,

TGND

Magic Mushrooms

Magic mushrooms sounded yummy. Not until I realised what they really were. Interesting… they are illegal and have said to be deadly drugs.

If one were to consume magic mushrooms, they would experience many different kinds of emotions such as hallucinations, anxiety, panic and even schizophrenia. The cringe! It also gives the consumer feelings of euphoria; which is probably the main reason why people consume it. And I figure these people are usually those emo emo ones; feeling oh-so-depressed that magic mushrooms can make them feel happier even if it was only for 4 hours. Geez…

However, there are people who claim that the consumption of magic mushrooms are spiritually significant. Wow…

I must admit that this entry is rather redundant but I guess a little side information wouldn’t hurt. Fine, let me entertain you readers (whoever you may be) with a magic mushroom poem… (:

Magic mushrooms take me high
Eating them allows me to fly
The emotions they give I can’t deny
Magic mushrooms you’d love to try
Here, take a little, take some of mine
Enter a world where everything’s a lie
Enter a place where no one is shy
Enter a place where no one asks why
Magic mushrooms in a pie
Something so special, so hard to buy
Excessive consumption- and you would die
But who cares? Who gives a damn?
Magic mushrooms you can’t deny