poem no. 9485 .....not

The clicking of the mouse and typing sounds
The sound falls to the ground as silence fills the room

The monotonous deadpan looks on everyone’s face
The dreadfulness of this mundane life

Like robots and clones and anything mechanic
We do things in life like it has all been pre-set in us

If our lives were recorded in a video
What would our movie be like?

Something drops and everyone slowly looks up
Then back down again back to their routine

The invasion
It slowly creeps into us

Everyday’s a cycle; a circle
We go round and round and round

Do we have a clue where our destination is?
Do we know where we’re heading to?

Like chameleons we change according to the environment
Losing our identity bit by bit as we go

How to awake from the deep deluded slumber?
Where are we even?

Then along the mundane routine that we follow each day
We may pause and ask “who am I really?”

Cast a spell,

TGND

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All I needed to see was that smile
I know I don’t really know you that well
But that fuzzy feeling I get looking at you
Doesn’t matter if my days were blue

That sweet saccharine smile I hold so close
My current muse for poems and prose
As you can see this one’s about you
Precious like those droplets on the leaves; dews

Fantasy intrudes and dreams elude
Whisk away to an island where it’s just me and you
The sun shining upon your face and you smile
Making every minute of this dream worth the while

You’re my Prozac, my antidote.


TGND

Sitting, waiting, hoping, wishing…

Have you ever wished, hoped or yearned for something but know that you can hardly ever get it? Worst thing is, whatever you want is so near yet so far…

There’s a guy. Okay, let’s call him X.
And there’s a girl . Let’s call her H.

H and I have known each other for about 12 years. And somewhere in our 12 years of friendship, we got to know X. Till now, we have known X for about… hmmm… 8-9 years perhaps. We used to play at the playground together almost every other day.

For as long as I can remember, X has always liked H. However, H has never ever showed any feelings for X before. As years passed, X and H still remained as close friends but never once did X force himself towards H or even reveal his feelings for her. Even when H had a boyfriend, he would still hung out with them and be friends with H’s boyfriend. X would always watch from afar and it seems like that was enough for him; H’s happiness. Everyone knew that X had feelings for H but no one said anything.

And on H’s birthday, he would shower her with lavish gifts; always willing to spend on her without any qualms or complains. Is he being foolish or is this well… love? Wait, love is a wrong word. What is love even? He hasn’t even explored other options, hasn’t received any reactions from H; it’s all one-sided. How can that be love? But to call him foolish would also be rather mean. I guess he is sincere but why can’t he just move on?

Me, as a third party watching this whole situation would really wish a nice girl would come along for X and reciprocate his feelings. Maybe then, he would know the meaning of love or being loved; rather than spending all his time and effort on a girl whom he knows has a low chance of having.

What you guys think?

Watching you, hoping hard;
Wishing for a place in your heart
Crossing my fingers, closing my eyes
When I look at you, I’m hypnotized.

The clock is ticking, hours pass
Protecting you secretly behind this mask
You don’t have to know, you don’t have to see
Just have to ensure that you’re happy

Maybe in the future I’ll be gone
But for now your presence I long
Maybe tonight I’ll write you a song
Because to me, you’ll never belong

Sitting waiting hoping wishing,

TGND

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Hey guys, just thought I share a piece of good news with you all! Looks like TGND's hard work have not gone to waste! I recently took part in a writing competition and I just found out that I won third prize. Though it's nothing big, it's more of the satisfaction that's keeping me thrilled. Well, the theme of the competition was love and I guess no matter how generic I tried to make my writing sound, somehow, personal experience always play a major part. I thought it to be rather private but then I guess, since it is something good, I should just share it with you all. (:

You may be able to relate or maybe you won't. Well, just read it and enjoy I guess. That's my job here! Have fun guys!

Love to a 19 year old

What is love? I’ve yet to unfold.
So to speak, I’m only 19 years old.
Puppy love, mostly what I’ve seen;
that’s as far as I have been.

True love to me, I’ve got a long way to find.
If love is true, how can it make one blind?
Chocolates and roses are the epitome of romance;
yet it can’t sweeten loves’ intense.

I must admit, there is a guy.
Every time I’m near him, my heart’s so shy.
I’m attracted to him, not his looks.
What I learn from him, I can’t get from books.

He’s so different from the guys I know.
More experienced, so mature; slightly old.
Seeing him happy, seeing him smile;
if only he knew how I’ve been feeling all these while.

I’m only 19, a child to him.
But deep inside, I’m far from a teen.
What is love? He definitely knows.
After all, he’s rather old.

I don’t expect him to read my heart;
I dread the day we have to part.
Time spent together- so little.
I try to make my romantic gestures subtle.

Though it’s a torture keeping the truth inside,
It’s better than to let our friendship subside.
Though at times we may flirt,
He doesn’t know I meant every word.

I know one day he has to settle down,
and definitely not to me, this clown.
I will not sob, I will not cry;
his happiness I’ll always keep in mind.


Is this love? I do not know.
Maybe one day the truth will show.
For now, I’ll put up this façade;
not wanting to jeopardize two hearts.

For when he smiles, I’m re-assured.
My efforts, my feelings, my time, my space;
is worth the happy look in his face-
the look that makes my young heart race.

What is love? I’ve yet to unfold.
This innocent, naïve 19 year old.

Love you, Love me;

TGND

Maybe it left you stronger...

Have you ever had a time when you met someone from your past? Someone whom you always wished you would see but hardly did and when you least expect it, they re-appear again in your life? At that moment, you just freeze not knowing what to do. You feel lost, just losing it all. And that person is looking all normal, like nothing has ever happened. You feel so weak but you know deep in your heart, never will you let yourself go back to the past; the past which you have always wanted to erase.

You thought they left, that they were gone;
And then they suddenly appear after so long.
You feel paralysed; don’t know what to do,
Standing there speechless worse than a fool.

Weakness gets to you but you stand strong,
History is where they should belong.
You start to ponder and wonder why;
Why they still come back when they meant goodbye.

Their presence so obvious, you just can’t avoid;
This person who once had your heart spoilt.
You appear normal, cheerful as ever,
But in your heart, never so miserable.

You want to scream, you want to shout
This person’s feelings you no longer doubt.
It’s all over and you’ve had enough,
You just got to show them that you’re tough.

They act so normal like nothing is wrong,
Leaving you and coming back after so long.
Why can’t they see, why can’t they tell;
It was because of them, our world once fell.

No more chances they will get,
All the memories you wish to forget.
So what if again you’ll meet,
Now you know your heart’s strong enough to defeat.

Walking forward, Turning back,

TGND

Smile..............

People usually smile to express pleasure, happiness or amusement. Not so often, it can also be an involuntary expression when one is nervous or anxious.

Never would one think that such a small action can make a big difference. For example, imagine you were having a real bad day and just wished you could end it all. And when you reach home, you see your loved ones smiling at you or even your pet and at that moment, it feels as though whatever you were troubled with just melts away. Have you ever had that feeling?

At times we may also smile at strangers. And boy we do get mixed reactions from that! Some people may think that we’re strange and some may just smile back. To me, if people were to think I’m some weirdo, I wouldn’t mind. At least I smiled to them; that made me happy. I can leave them to think whatever they want to.

Start smiling… what could be so depressing to prevent one from smiling. I think to smile is one of the most beautiful expression one can have. Probably that’s why every time people take photographs, they’re smiling!

I came across this story from an email which was rather touching therefore I decided to share it with you guys! (: and it’s not made up, apparently. Even if it was, good story!

Title: Breakfast At McDonalds

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.


Smiling,

TGND

Mistakes

Ever made a mistake and feel like shit? I believe everyone has. Well, mistakes are unintentional errors that we should learn from. I don’t see a point in dwelling on a past mistake. It has already past so one should just move on. Learn a lesson and don’t ever repeat it. Period.

But some things I just don’t understand. How can people repeat mistakes? Since they already know its wrong, why do they do it again? Why can’t one learn from their mistakes?

When one party tells the other “it was such a big mistake marrying you”, is the word “mistake” even valid in that sentence? Since mistakes are unintentional, does it mean that the marriage too was unintentional? Hmmm…

Mistakes occur in so many aspects of our life from our work to our relationships and so many other things. One can never avoid making mistakes- there’s no one so perfect. Let’s start being conscious of our mistakes and learn from them… shall we?

Mistakes; you and I have made a few
Besides learning from them, what can we do?

Is there a need to dwell on something that can’t be changed?
Sometimes our thoughts and actions, we need to arrange.

Sorry once, sorry twice;
How many more times? Need a dice?

Why can’t one learn? Why can’t they see?
Do they enjoy repeating history?

Learn from your mistakes then toss it away;
Let’s learn to be mindful, starting today.

Making mistakes,
TGND