Nostalgia

Nostalgia: a longing for the past;

Is there such a thing as nostalgic pangs? Well, similar to hunger pangs that is. Hah! Maybe someone, something, somewhere we experience some point in life would give us the feeling of nostalgia. A reminder of a memory either of a person/or people, an event, a feeling yada yada…

This term was actually used by soldiers who were suffering from combat fatigue which led to the obsessions of returning home. But after all these years, people have somehow changed the meaning. And now it usually means dwelling on the past.

I feel that the feeling of nostalgia cannot be ignored when it’s evoked. And this feeling is usually associated with emotions that are more to the sad side. Probably because certain things in the past we yearn for. Or we wish could happen again.

To me, nostalgia is quite a beautiful feeling… what say you?


The nostalgic feelings I try to understand
Something, some place, someone, some where in time.

Whisked back into the past
Where memory is all that lasts

Wishing you were there once again
Hoping things were still the same

Tears of sadness, maybe of joy
Certain feelings you just can’t toy

A moment in time you wish to freeze
Wishing this moment would never cease

There’s nothing we can do to stop the time
looking back at memories at its prime

Nostalgic feelings you can’t ignore
Nostalgic feelings might make you sore

Nostalgic feelings you sometimes have
Nostalgic feelings and its aftermath…

Living in the past,

TGND

Insecurity

Lacking self-confidence or assurance;

I think many people out there suffer from this; the tendency to feel insecure about themselves. Can someone be taught to feel comfortable in their own skin? Probably attend like a confidence boost course or something. HAH

Maybe people’s not looking but you feel that stares. You look at yourself a million times in the mirror before you eventually walk out of the house. And I figure one root of this problem is due to the fact that people love to judge. Ah wells, not like we can stop them!

I guess this is an issue that would not go away. I have to admit, programs like Ugly Betty do help people feel a teeny weenie bit better. But it’s not the perfect solution. Yet again, it has to all come from within.


You wear clothes that cover your flaws
Eyes are staring, whispers down the hall

Is it you; their target?
Someone they want to humiliate

You won’t leave the house till you look fine
How is fine even defined?

You wish you could shut them up
Why do they even say so much?

Was it all in your head?
Their words and stares and emotional blades;

searching for security,

TGND

Dreams

I’m not talking about aspirations or hopes here. It’s more about those vivid images you get when you’re sleeping or when you’re in a daze.

How dreams and our brains work is a whole new issue so let’s not get into it. Most of the time, we can’t control our dreams. There are other times when we can and that’s called lucid dreams- whereby dreamers know that they are dreaming and are capable of changing their dream environment and controlling certain aspects of the dream. How’s that possible, don’t ask me! Well, maybe when we day-dream, the situations we can control? Hmmm…

Have you ever had times when you felt as though your dream was so real only to wake up getting disappointed? I certainly dislike that feeling. But I guess there are also times when you wake up and felt so relieved that whatever that happened was only a dream. Like I ever said, everything has two sides to it. Dreams included.

Dreams are said to be signs and can be interpreted but I don’t really believe in that. Dreams are just dreams and most of the time, they never occur in reality. I guess the reason why people like to sleep and dream is because only fairytales happen there. Once you wake up, sorry honey, its back to reality!

Dreams, some good and some bad
Millions of it we’ve definitely had

Floating on clouds, so surreal
Wake up; it’s everything but a fairytale

Sometimes we wished it last forever
Sometimes to happen, we wished it never

When we sleep, our minds supposed to be at rest
But instead it’s forever put to the test

I rather have a dream-less sleep
Then to awake, seeing myself weep

In the comfort of our feathered pillows
We drift to a place where the sun’s not yellow

Cos anything can happen in dreams
Unbelievable as it seems

Taunted by the non-existent ghost
Jerking you awake at most

with sweat trickling down our face
The fast breathing we have to pace

Suddenly we’re watching the sunset
With that someone we wished we had
Dark clouds start to hijack the ambience
Then you’re suddenly all alone

For a moment you thought you had it all
But just a second and you start to fall
Handicapped with fear, you start to tear
And all the visions a blur

When you awake you start to think
Happiness gone in a blink

Then you realized it’s just a dream
Something that was always better then it seemed


building castles in the sky,

TGND

who am i ?

Have you ever doubted the person you think you are? Or maybe sometimes in life, you just suddenly stop, and think of the person people see you as. Is it really you?

Soul-searching- does it really work? Discovering your true self and knowing your personality traits… how do you know if you really found your true self?

You would know exactly:
- what you want for yourself &
- what you need in life

So I guess, we’ll just know it. The answer lies within us. One thing for sure, I know I haven’t found my true self yet. Maybe some might feel the same. The person people see us as is probably just ½ or 2/3 of ourselves. There’s just the other side that people won’t know. A side we don’t want others to see.

Then we start to ponder about what we really want in life… we can say that we are just doing what the norm in our society does. We follow orders every other day of our lives and hardly do we get a chance to do what we really want to do. Sometimes we don’t even have a choice as to what we want in life. We do things to suit others. Or rather we do things so that we can lead a comfortable life. With a roof over our head and food on the table, is that all that really matters?

If only we could just leave everything behind and go live for a few months in some island or resort like place and just live life as it’s supposed to be. Doing odd-jobs like waiter-ing in some street café and just being carefree and happy… then maybe we would know what life is really about. And we probably could find the real us.

But that’s highly impossible because so many things in our lives are beyond our control. So for now, we just have to make do with what we have and with that, find the real us.

Search deep. Think hard. Be surprised.

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
If only you could make me tall.

Mirror Mirror if you could speak,
Which part of me would you fix?

Mirror Mirror, show me the truth;
The person I see, is it really me?

Mirror Mirror, break this curse
Perfection is what everyone thirst

Mirror Mirror, be my friend
When I’m hurt by the cruel world, who would hold my hand?

Mirror Mirror, you are all I have
Ever since my confidence left

Mirror Mirror, now you see;
The truth that lingers inside of me.

Mirror Mirror, this girl I see,
Is she the best that I can be?

Mirror Mirror, show me how
To love myself starting from now.

still searching,

TGND

On a sombre note.

Reflecting on my previous entry, I realised something about myself; something which I have not realised or notice.

I think it is amazing to be able to learn something new about yourself every other day. Something you could do but never knew. Something you thought you were unable to do but actually can do. Something you never knew you were feeling all along.

Back to the previous entry, I was talking about letting go. Personally, after that entry, I let go. I let go of something that has been hovering over my mind and heart for almost a year. As I wrote the poem, so many million thoughts went through my mind; maybe it was the same for you too- you who read the poem, whoever it may be. Hmmm…

Letting go allowed me to realise that…

All these while I never knew
In my heart it was only you

I never knew why I never really looked at other guys
That it was only you in my eyes
It was natural for me to fear
Any other guy who came near

I’ve always found it weird why I could never liked anyone else
But that question didn’t stay long as soon as I saw you
But as each day passed, my love you didn’t reciprocate
Yet my days on you I waste

Then I thought it through
Enough was where my heart and mind reached
I had to let go if not I would have gone crazy waiting
Wishing, hoping, trying, wanting
When the result would be nothing

So one night, I let go
I was sad, tears did flow
But I knew somehow I had to let go
No matter how hard, no matter how sad
Letting go of wanting you I had

Then it hit me, something I never knew
All along, the boys I blew
It was all because of you.

P/s- sorry for the rather personal entry. But I believe there are people out there who might be able to relate. Hee

gone,
TGND

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letting go

This post is for all those out there who find it so hard to let go of things that have already been gone for so long. Learn to move on. Because the only thing that's holding you back in life is yourself.

Maybe you're feeling frustrated, worried, troubled -so many things. All because of one person or something that have happened. If it's all in the past, why still harbour all these negative feelings in you? Are you happy feeling sad?

Then you question, how to let go? I tried but it's so hard. Well, it's really all up to you. No one can help you because it's all within. Why exhaust yourself over thoughts which are no longer valid? Why worry for someone when that person doesn't even cares about your existence?

Find all means to let go. If it's a person that has been lingering in your mind, someone you're trying hard to forget- delete all means of contact with that person. Forget him/her. Do whatever you can to erase those un-happy thoughts.

And when you've finally learnt to let go, you'll feel lighter- spiritually that is. And you'll feel so much happier. So many things we encounter are all part and parcels of life, growing up and maturing. These things are inevitable and it's only up to us to handle them.

Enjoy life and stay happy.

Another poem; enjoy!

you seem to be everything I wanted in a man.

being with you give me butterflies;

a feeling I can't seem to comprehend.

your charisma, your charm;

never knew it'd bring me harm.

I took time and effort to care for you,

springing surprises- though a few.

I knew these gestures would make you smile;

but to love me you took a while.

I know you're busy, you don't have time.

and so I waited, never did I whine.

but it has reached a point, I can't control.

my feelings and emotions I have to let go.

invisible chances I always gave,

in you I had so much faith.

but this time i'll leave, i'll be gone;

when you turn back and look for me,

no longer will you still see,

that girl who waited patiently.

letting go,

TGND

Magic Mushrooms

Magic mushrooms sounded yummy. Not until I realised what they really were. Interesting… they are illegal and have said to be deadly drugs.

If one were to consume magic mushrooms, they would experience many different kinds of emotions such as hallucinations, anxiety, panic and even schizophrenia. The cringe! It also gives the consumer feelings of euphoria; which is probably the main reason why people consume it. And I figure these people are usually those emo emo ones; feeling oh-so-depressed that magic mushrooms can make them feel happier even if it was only for 4 hours. Geez…

However, there are people who claim that the consumption of magic mushrooms are spiritually significant. Wow…

I must admit that this entry is rather redundant but I guess a little side information wouldn’t hurt. Fine, let me entertain you readers (whoever you may be) with a magic mushroom poem… (:

Magic mushrooms take me high
Eating them allows me to fly
The emotions they give I can’t deny
Magic mushrooms you’d love to try
Here, take a little, take some of mine
Enter a world where everything’s a lie
Enter a place where no one is shy
Enter a place where no one asks why
Magic mushrooms in a pie
Something so special, so hard to buy
Excessive consumption- and you would die
But who cares? Who gives a damn?
Magic mushrooms you can’t deny